March 16th. A Monday. A beautiful, warm, sunny, perfect day. We had our appointment. I was incredibly nervous. This time, we brought Daniel there. My reasoning was: If it were a positive appointment, he could see his baby brother or (insisted) sister. OR if the news wasn't good, he would be there to remind me of a blessing I already have.
We went in. I laid back on the table, and was hoping to see a large amount of amniotic fluid. For the week prior, I had drank so much water I was swimming in it, and stayed off of my feet, for good measure. So, she placed the probe on my belly, and the first thing I saw was a much bigger baby, and more amniotic fluid.
"There looks to be more fluid." I stated. "Yes, there is" She replied. And without even thinking, I asked: "Is there a heartbeat?"
"No, I am not seeing one"
I will go get the Dr. to confirm. She leaves the room.
I laid there in disbelief. Dennis asks: "Did she say there wasn't a heartbeat?" and I shook my head yes.
Dr. comes in and she rechecks. No heartbeat. My baby laid there lifeless. No blood flow. No beating heart. He offers some condolences. So, I sit up, and we were taken to a room to wait for our options. Options. Hmm.
And we waited and waited and waited. I could feel friends looking at their clocks waiting for an update. I am in disbelief. Crying. Praying. Thinking. It was horrible. He finally comes in, and he offers me 3 options after he gave me some "counseling" on the "why" of this happening..
1. to wait for my body to miscarry naturally.
2. to have sugery to remove the baby.
3. to take a medicine called cytotec to kickstart a natural process.
We carefully weighed the options, I had already decided surgery was not an option, even though at the time, it seemed more appealing that I thought it might. We chose option #3. We had a trip planned at the end of the week that we really wanted to take, and I was ready to move forward.
So, we left the office. The sun felt good on my face, and we had a long road ahead.
I will post more tomorrow to tell the rest of the story.