Sunday, April 3, 2011

The two camps ….

So, there are two camps in motherhood. And, I find myself CONTINUALLY trapped between the two.  I also find that one of the camps have really adamant mothers who ASSURE me that this is the way to raise children. The other camp tends to think that the other camp of mothers are “coo-coo” and slightly weird.

It’s called attachment parenting vs. the other kind. (I am not sure if the “other kind” has a name. Smile  But the “other kind” is not not about to wear their baby around the house or at church or in the grocery store. These mothers tend to use the swing, or the bouncy seat or even the car seat in these places. Non-attachment parents usually don’t sleep with their babies in their bed, and they don’t always pick them up when they cry. Bathing the child is probably not a team effort, meaning, they don’t bathe WITH their children. Non attachment mothers can breast feed or bottle feed, but when they see is right and usually by a schedule.

As I  have come to understand it, and this is not a comprehensive list, but just a few things I have learned along the way, the argument between these two camps is that attachment parenting creates secure, well adjusted, trusting children that can freely live and play as toddlers and children. Meaning, when you pick up a crying baby, and yes, just about every time, you are NOT spoiling them, you are soothing them and comforting them. In a phrase it has been summed up: “A person is a person no matter how small” and it goes along the thought process that if I, an adult, were really upset and distraught, I would want someone, and possibly even my mother, to comfort and hold me, regardless of whether or not she thinks that what I am upset over is worthy of being upset about. The other side says that “crying it out” is an introduction to the real world where children learn to self soothe and become independent of their parents as babies.

So, where the heck do I fall into?? Well, I have created my own camp. Yes, leave it to me to create a new camp. Smile I have had to throw out the books. I have had to think about how I think God would have me parent Daniel. Not any other baby, not like any other mother parents her children. Which has been SOOO hard. I have LOTS and LOTS of mommy friends with MULTIPLE children. So, this is sort of how WE are doing things.

We own bouncy seats. We own a swing. Of course, we own a car seat. We own a crib. We have bottles. AND he uses them ALL in moderation.

We also have slings, we also bathe with our baby. We sleep with our baby for a portion of the night. We do let him fuss for a few minutes, but not until he “figures it out.” We pick him up, we soothe him, and if all else fails, we, and by this example, I mean, I, wear the child most of the day.

So, there you have it.

Are we doing the right thing? Are we inserting our child into the perfectly right “formula” to spit out this perfectly behaved, all trusting child? Hmm, I’d say not. The truth is, he is a sinner. And, no matter if I wear him and shhhhhsh him til’ the cows come home, or let him just cry till the sun goes down, he is going to be Daniel, the Daniel that God has in store for us.


mommy of 3 said...

Sweet post! It's nice to take advice from mommy friends, but ultimately, you know your child and you know what's best for him. Do what's right in God's eyes and you cannot lose. Love ya girl! Hope you are feeling better.

Claudia said...

Wow!!! Cute post. Loved it. Thanks for sharing. Your little Daniel is a real angel.

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Aaron and Lisa said...

I think you have the right idea!! When Daniel gets old enough I'm going to tell him what a great mom you have been to him, right from the start :)

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